HomeBy LINUS SPILLER, 11:53 PM CDT on Friday, August 22, 2003
I made a decision last year that drastically changed my life. I became the legal parent of a teenager.
Many people thought I had lost my mind by allowing my life to be turned upside down. I thought it was the right thing to do, and I haven't regretted it.
Drew is a typical teenager. He loves junk food, even though he also eats salads and healthier foods at my request. He enjoys music, especially hip-hop, and participates in athletics at his high school. He is horrible at cleaning up his room, but I am not so good, either, so I let him slide on that one. And he has to be "reminded" to wash the dishes and take out the trash.
But my partner and I believe we have it better than most parents, because Drew is kind and courteous to others, not as rebellious as some teenagers, doesn't smoke or drink alcohol and appears to be postponing sex, a decision I believe came from some lengthy and intense discussions we have had on the matter.
I am particularly overzealous about Drew's education. Through no fault of his, he has a reading disability that is being overcome by his own determination, as well as the dedication of his principal, counselors, case managers, coaches, teachers, a tutor and, most important, a supportive home environment.
During my son's first school year, I often met with his teachers. But the frequent contact was necessary. When his grades came out each period, I delivered thank-you notes to their mailboxes. Most told me it was the first time a parent ever had done that.
When I hear the words "parental involvement," I cringe, because it seems to lower the bar for parents, making participation in their children's education optional rather than mandatory. I believe school districts should start using the term "parental accountability" in communicating with parents.
To avoid becoming a "deadbeat parent," I would suggest these rules:
1) Act as though you value education. If you do, your children will, too.
2) Communicate regularly with the school. Don't wait for the school to call you. If you haven't heard from the school in a while and your children are vague when asked, find out what is happening. Nothing may be happening, but at least the school will know it is dealing with a concerned parent.
3) Remember the only thing teachers are required to do is teach your children. They don't go to work to be your children's friend, surrogate parent, day care worker, banker or taxicab driver. That is your responsibility.
4) Understand that your children have homework every day. If they claim they don't have any, verify that. If your children aren't making good enough grades, pull all TV, radio, Internet and video game privileges. No exceptions.
5) Counteract the media's influence by taking your children to cultural events and the library, and if they are old enough, let them get a part-time job or volunteer with a nonprofit agency.
6) Talk with your children daily. They don't bite and actually are interesting. If you are good, you can discover issues that concern them, and you can help them sort through their questions.
7) Realize that parent-teacher-student conferences are mandatory, not optional. And make sure you bring your children with you. Again, it shows that you are pro-education and in alliance with the teacher.
8) When visiting the school, dress appropriately. That teaches your children what attire is acceptable in different environments.
9) Don't lie for your children if the teacher informs you of wrongdoing.
10) Don't complain that the teacher isn't doing something right if you aren't doing your part. That includes providing regular meals, assisting with homework and getting your children to bed on time. First work on you, then the teacher.
Linus L. Spiller lives
in Dallas. His e-mail address is griotproductions@yahoo.com.